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Giants KO Tomato Can Vikings – Whoop-Di-Do!

Giants KO Tomato Can Vikings – Whoop-Di-Do!
By Martin Alvin

In the old days, grooming a boxing champion was done in a familiar, time-tested, way: the kid’s management would set him up with some easy fights against punch-drunk, had-beens, who couldn’t punch their way out of a wet paper bag. These has-beens were called tomato cans and if the kid beat them, he’d build up an “impressive” win-loss record as well as his confidence; and eventually earn real fights against real contenders. If he couldn’t beat them, he was never heard from again; which brings me to the NY Giants:

Last night, at Met Life Stadium, the NY Giants beat a tomato can team called the Minnesota Vikings who couldn’t punch their way out of a paper bag made of wet toilet paper. Yeah, okay, the Giants finally got their first win of the 2013 season, and yeah, maybe that turns out to be just what the doctor ordered. And yeah, that’s one in a row! And yeah, a win is a win is a win; but good God, what an ugly win over a such a tomato can, team!

Okay, there were some positives:

Yeah, Jon Beason continues to look like a great sideline-to-sideline, leadership-type, LB, and yeah, Peyton Hillis did a hell of a job after being with the team for less than a week. And yeah, Eli was interception free. And yeah, the ‘O’ line played better and so did the ‘D;’ but don’t be fooled:

Yeah, the Giants stopped all-world RB, Adrian Peterson — but the Vikings had no passing game to offset the running game with Josh Freeman working on an abbreviated game plan, after being with the team for less than two weeks.

Yeah, they finally got some pressure on the opposing QB and put Freeman on his ass a lot — but it was usually after he’d already thrown the ball. He was ineffective passing the ball because he was out-of-synch with his unfamiliar game plan and receivers.

Yeah, the Giants finally played with a big lead, which usually leads to the opposing QB trying to catch up, which usually leads to sacks -– but the Giants rarely sacked Josh Freeman.

Yeah, the Giants won –- but the Giants’ special teams still stink, giving up yet another punt returned for a TD, for the third time this season; and the season isn’t even half over.

Yeah, Victor Cruz is still one-of-a-kind, and the best slot receiver in the NFL — but he still dropped a sure TD in the end zone.

Yeah, Hakeem Nicks is still as physically gifted as any receiver in the league — but he still flubbed eight of the ten passes thrown to him.

Yeah, Ruben Randle is a taller version of Nicks with great potential for the future — but he still fumbled because he was carrying the ball in the wrong hand.

Yeah, the Giants put together some drives –- between way too many three-and-outs –- but again, had to settle for FGs in the Red Zone rather than TDs.

Yeah, Eli played better — but he still threw another off-balance, potential Pick-6 that luckily, was dropped by the Vikings.

Yeah, the Giants stuck to their running game -– but the running game averaged a little over a measly 2 yards a carry.

The only difference between this lopsided football game against the tomato can Vikings and a lopsided fight against an old time tomato can fighter — both of whom we’re dead on their feet and done for the night — was nobody surrendered by throwing in the towel and the referee never stepped in to stop the mismatch.

They say, even a broken clock is correct twice every day, so maybe, a broken-clock team like the Giants is capable of a couple of wins this season, simply because there are other broken-clock teams on their schedule, and maybe, the law of averages dictates a couple of wins. Or, maybe, this game really was the start of something big. Who knows?

They play the Eagles next week down in Philly and Michael Vick is back; and he’s not Josh Freeman. The Philly offense with Mike Vick and LeSean McCoy and DeSean Jackson is very potent. So, if the Giants manage to beat the Eagles –- even if it’s an ugly win — a little more optimism will be in order. But right now, let’s face it: last night’s win was still just a win over a tomato can.

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4 Responses to “Giants KO Tomato Can Vikings – Whoop-Di-Do!”

  1. Yeah – Cruz dropped a TD. But he did get pushed from behind as the ball was entering the “catch zone” let’s call it, and that wasn’t called.

    Up and down game all around, it looked like a 2007 early season win for sure…. Ironically the last time a Eli or any QB in the NFL had as bad a game as Freeman did.


  2. DP says:

    However ugly, a win is a win and always better than losing, I’ll take it. Now go beat Philly. Congrats to the players and the coaching staff who appeared to have made ‘changes’ in their game planning approach on both sides of the ball. Offense had far too many 2nd and longs so they must become more effective on 1st and 10. Defense must continue to stuff the run and be aggressive in passing downs. The teams look like they lack certain personnel types on the field when covering kicks, at least punt coverage. I see lots of big guys out there and the usual percentage of LB types. I don’t see enough of the DB, WR, speed type guys going down or getting in the play when covering many kicks; speed and quickness on punt coverage looks like a serious problem. A Divisional foe on the road next; the Giants Core players will have to step up, lead the team, perform to their ability and get the job done.

  3. Dave says:

    Gmen will beat Philly this week and they will go 6-2 the rest of the way. Don’t laugh, it could happen! (Okay you can laugh now). No, seriously it’s not over yet!

  4. Nicky says:

    You’ve got to stop smoking that shit, Dave. It’s bad for you. However, that being said, can I borrow one of your funny looking smokes? I’ll need one to get through this Sunday’s game. Better, yet, maybe you can share your stash with the team. Might not help, but it sure won’t hurt.

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